


thots unite

by mangomilkshake



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Multi, god they need sleep, good for them! good for them, my fucking god! these bitches gay!, obviously, wren is in denial
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24948796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangomilkshake/pseuds/mangomilkshake
Summary: it’s a university au groupchat fic because i have nothing else to offer for my kids content wise!! marty, beth, possibly jam- why do you tolerate me
Kudos: 1





	thots unite

**Author's Note:**

> ashleigh: bruh moment   
> theo: token lesbian  
> jonah: the bite of 87  
> wren: wrenegade  
> luke: blond boyz  
> alexus: bugboy   
> sasha: fuckin robocop   
> angela: uwu
> 
> (also the formatting is shite bc ao3 hates me and the bold text didn’t transfer from docs ://)

**thots unite  
5:34pm**

**[‘bruh moment’ added ‘token lesbian’, ‘the bite of 87’ and 5 others to the chat]**

**[‘bruh moment’ changed the title to ‘thots unite’]**

bruh moment: hello whores ;)

wrenegade: fucks sake

wrenegade: what’s this 

bruh moment: a bonding opportunity!

wrenegade: I beg to differ 

bruh moment: Then Beg

the bite of 87: but I barely know your loser friends ash

the bite of 87: except you theo, you’re an absolute sweetheart and we’re thrilled to have you here

token lesbian: at least someone appreciates me 

bruh moment: can't believe you’re gonna group alexus in with the losers 

wrenegade: hold on yeah, I object to this

the bite of 87: is that the rlly sweet one

bugboy: hello!!!

the bite of 87: ok fine two exceptions

**thots unite  
6:47pm**

blond boyz: who added me

blond boyz: what’s this 

wrenegade: a ‘bOnDiNg oPpOrTuniTy’

bruh moment: hellooooo lukey boy

bruh moment: where have you been in my hour of need

blond boyz: criminology homework

token lesbian: yikess 😳

blond boyz: yikes indeed I’m gonna kermit 

blond boyz: but at least I’m up to date

blond boyz: this is definitely not a call out

wrenegade: luke get off my dick for five seconds challenge

bugboy: thanks for helping luke :)))

blond boyz: no problem bro

wrenegade: ?? fill me in here

bugboy: luke was just helping me with my homework! we had a little homework session so he could get his criminology work done as well

wrenegade: oh I see

wrenegade: so he complains that I don’t do my work but doesn’t offer to help ME

bugboy: uh

blond boyz: but I did offer

blond boyz: I messaged you at five and asked but you said ‘whatever’

wrenegade: well

bruh moment: keep the drama in pms please boyss 😌✨

fuckin robocop: my favourite part of this situation is that wren has no one to blame but himself 

bugboy: hi sasha!!

wrenegade: did you come on the chat just to mock me

fuckin robocop: I could hear the sounds of your idiocy from a mile away wren

fuckin robocop: it’s like music to my ears 

bruh moment: LMAODHDKGJD is it the annual holiday where we fucking drag wren’s ass

wrenegade: it’s everyday in the hell I call a friendship with sasha

fuckin robocop: love you too bb 🥰

**[‘fuckin robocop’ changed the title to ‘wren davies = 🤡’]**

blond boyz: 💀💀💀

wrenegade: CAN YOU NOT COME FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE LIKE THAT

fuckin robocop: I don’t know what you mean uwu 

wrenegade: you will die october 4th 3:32am

fuckin robocop: make it 4:20am and I’m down 

wrenegade: deal

bruh moment: this is sending me into orbit I- 

blond boyz: one more second in this group chat and I die 

wrenegade: nooo don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy aha

wrenegade: it’s just a meme 

wrenegade: I don’t actually think you’re sexy 

wrenegade: it’s a reference lol

blond boyz: I- ok

**fuckin robocop to wrenegade  
7:18pm**

fuckin robocop: can you not be a fucking disaster for five minutes please and thank 😌💅

wrenegade: what

wrenegade: what have I done??

fuckin robocop: ‘iTs a rEfEReNcE’

fuckin robocop: ‘i dOnT aCtUaLLy tHiNk yOuRe sExY’

wrenegade: I was just clarifying?? lmao

fuckin robocop: wren

fuckin robocop: no one asked

wrenegade: he might have been confused lmaodhdjdk what’s ur problem

fuckin robocop: look 

fuckin robocop: you’re really defensive 

wrenegade: I’m literally not 

fuckin robocop: wren

fuckin robocop: sweetheart

fuckin robocop: my darling little idiot 

fuckin robocop: you’ve been quite close with luke recently 

wrenegade: yeah?? I mean you literally wanted us to get along more 

wrenegade: I don’t hate him anymore is that a problem 

wrenegade: I don’t understand 

wrenegade: you’re obviously reaching for something 

wrenegade: he’s just not so much of a shithead anymore 

wrenegade: what’s so bad about us being friends 

fuckin robocop: I thought you were just sulky because I roasted you earlier but you’re actually just fucking stupid 

wrenegade: wtf sasha

wrenegade: I’ll beat ur ass

fuckin robocop: yeah yeah 

fuckin robocop: come back to me when you’re not in denial 

wrenegade: ???

**wren davies = 🤡  
8:23pm**

uwu: hiya guys!

token lesbian: hello angela!

uwu: how are you darling? :) 

token lesbian: I’m wonderful now you’re here :)

bruh moment: we love this wholesome content

token lesbian: oh no

token lesbian: they’ve arrived 

token lesbian: leave this chat while you still can angie

uwu: ??

the bite of 87: hey what’s wrong with us

token lesbian: y’all are cursed

token lesbian: don’t infect angie’s soft vibes with your shitposting

bruh moment: I don’t shitpost

bruh moment: I’m just funky

bruh moment: you’re funky

bruh moment: funky lil lesbian 

bruh moment: that sounded like something I’d say whilst high but I’m swear I’m not zooted I’m just fuckin tired

the bite of 87: leigh leigh omfg

token lesbian: as unwise as it is, I believe you 

blond boyz: who’s zooted

the bite of 87: ashleigh

bruh moment: am not!!

wrenegade: you better not be

wrenegade: I’ll be well pissed if you’ve got weed and you didn’t tell me 

blond boyz: why did I actually think wren was going to be lecturing ash on drugs 

blond boyz: I’ll never raise my expectations again 

wrenegade: ok, ouch??

fuckin robocop: I heard wren was being roasted 

wrenegade: piss off sasha 

blond boyz: ok I actually kinda feel bad bad about that sorry wren 😔

wrenegade: eh you’ll pay me back eventually 

blond boyz: hfhdhdh with what? my blood? 

bruh moment: me and the boys doing a blood sacrifice at 2:00am

fuckin robocop: may I bring to your attention that wren’s never apologised to luke for anything 

wrenegade: cuz I’ve never been in the wrong babes ✨

blond boyz: wow

the bite of 87: x to doubt

fuckin robocop: would you like an itemised list of everything you’ve ever been wrong about

token lesbian: this seems unwise 

bruh moment: yeah you might give jojo ideas or summin

the bite of 87: bitch

wrenegade: glad to know I’m ur brother’s greatest inspiration 

the bite of 87: excuse me

the bite of 87: I’m the og

the bite of 87: if anything you’re off brand me

wrenegade: that’s it 

wrenegade: I’m getting the whip

the bite of 87: kinky ;))

bruh moment: nah y’all are opposite entities 

fuckin robocop: you’re both fucking stupid

fuckin robocop: but jo is more like ‘aha lmao’ and wren is more like ‘fuck off’ 

bruh moment: thank you for summarising it perfectly 

fuckin robocop: you’re welcome

wrenegade: aight what tf does that mean

bruh moment: it’s like jonah is the embodiment of ‘interior crocodile alligator’ and you’re the embodiment of the cod zombies sound compilation 

the bite of 87: you know what 

the bite of 87: that actually makes sense 

**[‘the bite of 87’ changed the title to ‘interior crocodile alligator’]**

uwu: hello I’m back! 

bruh moment: where’d you go

uwu: someone in my dorm ran out of coffee so I popped out to get some for them 

uwu: got some snacks whilst I was out, anyone for movie night this Friday? 

bruh moment: angela sweetie you are just the loveliest person 

uwu: I try my best :’) 

the bite of 87: hold on 

the bite of 87: this would have to be over me and ash’s place wouldn’t it 

blond boyz: well you are the only ones with an apartment sooo

bugboy: movie night!!

the bite of 87: oh hell no 

the bite of 87: y’all are way too loud 

bruh moment: then watch the movie with us idiot

the bite of 87: I’ll pass

the bite of 87: find someplace else to infest 

uwu: pleasee jonah? 🥺🥺💕💕

bugboy: pretty please??

token lesbian: I don’t know what we’re talking about but pleaseeeee jojo??

bruh moment: read up b 

the bite of 87: h 

the bite of 87: ughhhhhhhhh

the bite of 87: y’all are killing me

the bite of 87: finee 

uwu: yayy ty you’re the best!! :)

the bite of 87: yeah I’m a legend or whatever 

bruh moment: wait...angie hun how are those snacks gonna last two days 

uwu: wdym?

uwu: I just won’t eat them? 

token lesbian: whaT

bruh moment: you can do that??

the bite of 87: how is angie the only competent person here 

wrenegade: what’s going on

bruh moment: angela can have snacks in her possession without eating them 

wrenegade: hold the fuck up

wrenegade: w h a t 

bugboy: and we’re having a movie night!!

wrenegade: oh worm? 

token lesbian: guys it’s like quarter past nine 

token lesbian: some of you 

token lesbian: and I’m not naming names 

token lesbian: have been staying up quite late 

bruh moment: every night is party night what’s your point theo 

token lesbian: can you please sleep before ten

bruh moment: ten?? ok m o t h e r 

token lesbian: don’t you have an early class tomorrow?

bruh moment: well yeah but 

bruh moment: how do YOU know that 

token lesbian: I care about your wellbeing dummy and that includes not missing class 

bruh moment: wow uh

bruh moment: that’s kinda sweet??

the bite of 87: y’all know you’re in a group chat right 

blond boyz: yeah I feel like I’m watching a rom com rn

bruh moment: shut it 

wrenegade: noah fence but no one has been able to convince ash to sleep at a reasonable hour 

bruh moment: ok

bruh moment: I’ll do it 

token lesbian: ty :) 

wrenegade: wHAT

the bite of 87: I’m- 

bruh moment: what can I say 

bruh moment: I’d do anything for theo uwu 

bruh moment: ok night guysss love u 

blond boyz: what just happened 

**the bite of 87 to bruh moment  
9:34pm**

the bite of 87: excuse me

the bite of 87: you’re not getting away that easily bitch 

bruh moment: if you want to talk to me you know you can just walk into the room next to yours 

the bite of 87: I’m lazy and I intend to use technology to my full advantage 

bruh moment: aight can I sleep now 

the bite of 87: were you being serious 

bruh moment: yeah ig?

the bite of 87: but 

the bite of 87: why??

the bite of 87: you never sleep??

bruh moment: idk

bruh moment: theo told me to? 

the bite of 87: …

bruh moment: what

the bite of 87: simp

bruh moment: shut up

the bite of 87: no no no ok

the bite of 87: serious mode activate

bruh moment: oh?? ok shoot

the bite of 87: how long have you and theo known each other now 

bruh moment: probs a while, about a year maybe? 

the bite of 87: ok

the bite of 87: I’m your brother 

the bite of 87: so I’d say I know you pretty well 

bruh moment: aight

the bite of 87: it seems like you’ve been acting differently around theo in the past few months 

bruh moment: elaborate on that

the bite of 87: ashleigh 

bruh moment: jonah 

the bite of 87: are you romantically and/or sexually attracted to theodosia carter

bruh moment: oh

bruh moment: n

bruh moment: no?

bruh moment: we are pretty good friends 

bruh moment: and I 

bruh moment: oh

bruh moment: h- 

bruh moment: maybe?

the bite of 87: ok

the bite of 87: cool

bruh moment: cool? 

the bite of 87: I mean you haven’t dated in a while so maybe this is a good thing 

bruh moment: that’s not true 

bruh moment: I’ve dated plenty

the bite of 87: anything less than a week doesn’t count 

the bite of 87: and loads of hookups do not substitute 

bruh moment: wow ok

the bite of 87: so

bruh moment: so

the bite of 87: are you going to ask her on a date? 

bruh moment: might do 

the bite of 87: aight

the bite of 87: night ash

bruh moment: night 

**interior crocodile alligator  
2:34am**

wrenegade: ugh men

wrenegade: hate em sm

wrenegade: but I want one to cuddle me uno 

wrenegade: not a specific man

wrenegade: just

wrenegade: pretty boys gimme cuddles rn challenge 

wrenegade: preferably 

**[‘wrenegade’ deleted a message]**

wrenegade: aha jk...unless? 

**wrenegade to fuckin robocop  
2:45am**

wrenegade: I hate you so much when you know something about me before I do

wrenegade: in conclusion: I played myself and I am destined to die

**interior crocodile alligator  
**  
8:23am

uwu: wren bb are you ok

wrenegade: nah

wrenegade: why are you up so early

uwu: I could ask the same 

wrenegade: didn’t go to bed 

uwu: oh sweetie 

token lesbian: is wren ok

wrenegade: never better! 

blond boyz: 2:00am wren is a bit gay ngl

wrenegade: wdym I’m home of phobia 

token lesbian: is ashleigh up? 

the bite of 87: she’s already gone for a walk this morning before class 

token lesbian: wait what 

token lesbian: she slept??

the bite of 87: yah

token lesbian: I didn’t think that would actually work omg

blond boyz: so whenever we want ash to do something we just get theo to ask her

blond boyz: duly noted 

token lesbian: wow

**fuckin robocop to wrenegade  
8:41am**

fuckin robocop: so you’ve finally figured it out 

wrenegade: fuck off

fuckin robocop: you have a massive uwu boner for luke 

wrenegade: it’s not like that 

wrenegade: I’m just touch starved 

wrenegade: and he’s within cuddle distance 

wrenegade: I’m sure it will blow over

fuckin robocop: sure, gaylord

wrenegade: stfu


End file.
